I am feeling the urge to write something about the joys of being mother to a 6 foot tall teenager of 14 and a half years. I have to admit that I made certain assumptions about parenthood. firstly that most of my learning would need to take place during his most formative years. You know, feeding, sleeping, walking, first words, tantrums etc. Even maybe those first days at school when your little innocent begins to encounter the nasty outside world. But actually when I look back on those years they feel like they have been relatively simple.

Now please don’t assume that because I am writing this, my son has become some kind of delinquant, in fact far from it. It is just that I am finding it tricky to accept that he is no long my little boy anymore and that I have to watch my Ps and Qs infront of his friends. So far I have learnt some of the following rules of parenting the teenager:

1. Never sing along to the radio infront of your teenage son’s friends. In fact it is better if you don’t speak unless absolutely necessary.
2. If you are buying a new car, don’t buy one which is orange, even if you love the colour as it will be an embarrassment.
3. Don’t bother asking your son if he has a girlfriend yet or has asked anyone out. Even if he has you will have to wait to be informed.
4. Don’t bother to answer your own telephone any more, it won’t be for you.
5. Make sure you are prepared to buy your teen the most up to date mobile phone every year, even though he never takes the thing with him when he goes out and you don’t know where he is. The phone is a fashion statement nothing else.
6. Don’t pronounce the word Nike like this - nikeee, apparently it is pronounced as it is spelled.
7. If your teen asks for something, he expects it now! (actually that is no different from when he was a baby)
8. Don’t expect much in the way of cosy family evenings where you all sit in one room. Your teen may grace you with his presence for dinner and periodically to raid the fridge. What he would really like though is a fridge and microwave in his bedroom!

Having said all this, I have to admit that I am rather enjoying the challenge of being the mother of a teenage boy, and actually he is rather a pleasure to have around, but please don’t tell him! I think it would be a bit embarrassing!