I haven’t had much to say about the NHS or live within it lately. I guess this is because for the first time in my working life, I am struggling to work out exactly where or if I fit in the old dinosaur. As a nurse I always believed that I would have a job of some kind for life, that my work would always involve caring for others and of course I could always return to my roots and back to the bedside. The trouble is, I am not sure that is really where I belong or want to be any more. I am deeply troubled by the state of the NHS and the kind of nursing care that can be provided by nurses within it and am not sure I really want to be part of that whole movement. There seem to be too many nurses who just don’t appear to care and one of my biggest fears was always that I too would become so disillusioned that I too would become like them. I am not sure that would really happen, but equally I am not sure a return to the bedside is what I need right now.

Instead I am increasingly beginning to believe that 2007 (or possibly 2008) will see me leaving the NHS to continue some of the leadership and other work I have begun over the last couple of years in other areas of the public and private sector. I already have some opportunities in the pipeline which I know I need to follow up. The problem then of course will be firstly earning a reasonable amount of money (so the mortgage can be paid) and then my registration to be a nurse. In an odd twist of fate I might have to get a part time nursing job to stay registered (because I am not ready to give that up yet).

I should finish my MSc in the coming year, if I actually get my finger out and get on with the assignment due in on 8th January! This course has helped to give me the knowledge and indeed the confidence I am going to need in the future to work outside the NHS.

For the first time in many years I can publicly state that I have less debt today than a year ago. In the summer I took the decision to stop using credit, to cut up the cards and to face my debts. This led to many sleepless nights and also to many phone calls from people demanding money. Now though I have made arrangements with all my creditors and by taking this action have prevented any possibility of losing our house or of ending up bankrupt (I am not joking here). I now owe about £5000 less than I did in the summer, and am well on the way to being completely solvent again. For the first time in many years, our Christmas was fully funded by money we actually had in our bank accounts rather than on credit cards and I feel really proud of that. For the first time in a long time too we are beginning to save for holidays and next Christmas.

The last few weeks have been quite difficult, but when I look backwards and indeed forwards, I can see that there is a lot to be positive about and that is the stance I am taking as we stand on the verge of the new year. So I raise a virtual glass of champagne (the real one will be raised later) to all the bloggers of the world who stop by and read my words. Happy New Year!