In yesterday’s edition of BritMeds on Dr Crippen’s blog, this statement appeared:

Administrative life in the NHS seems to involve a lot of navel gazing but the tax-payers ‘ meter is still running. 

It then linked back to my last post . This link wasn’t something I was seeking, though of course I am always happy to have people visit my blog. Dr Crippen is a well read and respected site, often provocative, we don’t always share views, but I respect his and know that he is passionate about his patients and trying to get them the best healthcare possible. I won’t deny then that I was slightly stung by the tone of his words in this instance. It is true I am a clinician who currently pushes a pen, not to mention the odd marker pen and computer keyboard but I don’t really consider myself an administrator in the usual sense. My days are often spent teaching people, helping them learn how to get on better, helping them get through their courses, speaking to people about the kinds of education and training we need and the like. But if you want to call me an administrator it isn’t the end of the world. I am a nurse and I know how to nurse, I choose to help others get better at the nursing they do, but that is fine.

Have I begun to engage in too much navel gazing? Well sadly I have been slightly scuppered by the events of the last month or so. Suddenly I have lost the confidence I had in the knowledge that I was doing a good job, could still do a good job and whats more would be able to do that job for more people. I am really sad to see what has happened to me and to others around me, and it has sent me into what is probably an over reflective mode. I think perhaps this has made me guilty of looking inwardly too much and saying well woe is me etc.  The process we are forced to go through here is not of our own making, and whats more, as no doubt I will be able to write in the coming weeks, it isn’t even being done properly. Mistakes have been made, and if too many managers were employed in the PCT they don’t inhabit the education department. There is still work to be done, and I am passionate about getting it done, but am no longer sure I want to be involved in it. The trouble is that it is no longer about educating a workforce. It is about managing change, it is about supporting people to develop new roles. It might not be right that nurses take on roles formerly done by doctors, but it is happening and rather than moan about it someone has to help make sure those nurses get the best, most appropriate education and training and all the support they need.

Perhaps I and others in my position are costing the tax payer unnecessary money? Perhaps as soon as we had no job we should have been shoved out on our ears, onto the scrap heap of healthcare management? Actually and luckily there are rules about this kind of thing. I am ready, able and willing to do whatever work is needed for the PCT I work for and whats more I am not sitting at my desk idly waiting to be told what to do. I have given 26 years service to the NHS and if they want rid of me then they will have to make me redundant. Whether that is right or not is beside the point, I am an employee and I have employment rights.

Until I know what is happening I will do my best to do a worthwhile job, I will take my salary, who wouldn’t? I don’t know what the long term effects are in terms of stress, potential depression and other health issues. I just know my mood is up and down, I am not my usual self and I didn’t ask for this to happen. Maybe I deserve just a little respect for that?