My teenage son is to be 17 next week, now where has that time gone to? Not only have I now experienced him as a baby, toddler, young child, new school boy, growing up to 6 foot tall boy and morose teenager he is now emerging into an almost adult. He is well read, knowledgeable about music, has opinions which he expresses and is much much calmer than I ever was at 17. He has great friends, generally knows that the effect of alcohol is not something you want to experience every day, he is thin and can eat anything he likes but knows when he is full and stops eating (oh to be able to do that!) When I look back on his childhood I do so with happiness and pride. Yes there have been difficulties, bullying at 5 which then in my opinion led to learning difficulties for about 3-4 years due to anxiety and lack of confidence. There have been issues with underage drinking and cannabis use, but these almost began to right themselves before I got to realise something was wrong. He and I have a good relationship, he knows he can talk to me about stuff and that I won’t fly off the handle (usually) and he has told other adults this. So why do I spend the time I can’t see him or know he isn’t safely in school feeling slightly anxious?

Last night he as at a party. Several of his friends are turning 17 this week too and last  night one of them had invited him to a party. This particular group of kids are studying English Literature for goodness sake so can’t be bad and anyway he is a good judge of character and tends not to mix with people who are not ‘a good sort’. I was fine till about 10pm then I wanted him home. I surfed the internet, read a book and generally looked out of the window till about midnight. Then my hubby suggested a cool and calm text, which strangely was followed by a phone call from the son to say he was on his way and no he required no lift. He was fine, I knew he would be fine, but that doesn’t stop me worrying.

My son is an only child, that bit was not planned but it is just the way it worked out. During his early days we spent a lot of time just the two of us as hubby went off finding himself. I guess that defined our relationship. I look at him now and I am proud. Proud that I have managed, goodness knows how, to bring up a well balanced boy to the brink of manhood and proud that he is doing so well at school. It is just that as he goes out into the world and explores as surely he must I hate the fact I have no (or very little) control over what he does and who he does it with.

I guess these feelings are normal and the fact I have insight into them is also a good thing.

Cartoon above from here