Is expensive. That is my not surprising discovery. Having discovered I cannot afford a new car, and deciding I do not want to borrow money in someone else’s name to get one, I now have to spend money on the existing almost 3 year old car to bring it up to scratch. In the past I had cars which were leased by whichever NHS trust I was employed by and for which I paid dearly in both rental and taxation. However if for example the brakes needed fixing then they got fixed at no extra cost to me. Now though, the burden will fall to me and now that I have an ‘older’ car things like this need attending to. I have therefore parted company with £250 just in time for payday! What joy!
Today I went back to my former working environment and taught on a management programme study day. The topic was providing leadership for your team. I was surprisingly nervous, didn’t sleep well and found it quite hard to ad lib in the parts when I would usually just speak. However the day did go well, and people seemed to enjoy it and whats more actually learn stuff (now there is a bonus)! I was surprised to find that out of a room of 16 pretty experienced people, very few if any had actually read any leadership theory or indeed new any of the key leadership authors. I guess they are all busy doing their day jobs looking after patients, running teams and services and being manager types. I am doing the session again in a couple of weeks for a different group and think that I might be a bit more confident about that one. Might make a few changes to part of the day though, even I began to find some of the theory a bit dry!
I wrote last week about my financial difficulties and how it would potentially affect my ability to buy a new car on finance. Well yesterday, I received the news I had feared, the finance company have turned me down. The idea of a new car to replace my existing one was a nice one, but I am forced to wonder if I actually need such a thing. If the current deal resulted in me actually owning my current little car then all would be well, but it doesn’t. I need over £3000 to make this happen. My job is county wide and I am expected firstly to have a car and secondly to use it as part of my job. I do try to plan my diary so that I am not crossing the county too much, but sometimes meetings are set by others and I have little control over where they happen. The choices we faced yesterday evening were that either my husband stands as guarantor for the planned purchase, or that we ask my inlaws for a loan and that I pay them the current car payments until that is paid off (about 15 months) or that I send the car back and buy an old runaround type car. After a pretty sleepless night on my part I have decided on the second option and hubby has phoned his mum to ask. Thankfully she has agreed and so she now knows the shameful truth.
As I have said before, I take full responsibility for the situation I am in. However there are some factors that contributed. I took all the debt myself personally, so that hubby didn’t share it, I was persuaded by banks to borrow more, but then continued to spend in a stupid way. Now I am paying the price. The good thing is that I have paid off a fifth of the debt in just over a year, and will be debt free in just over 4 years. The inability to obtain more credit is I believe a blessing, because who am I kidding, I am still the same person and I can still happily live beyond my means and hubby is great at doing that too if it involves my name on the dotted line. I am not an alcoholic, or a drug addict, but I believe this is a problem along the same lines. I have a problem, but I am trying to take control of it, I just sometimes lose sight of the reality of what needs to be done.
The above is the reason I am struggling to think straight when it comes to normal blog posts. Hopefully normal service will be resumed very soon as I have some quite interesting things going on at work and in the NHS in general right now!